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Post by vanessajoyce on Jul 30, 2008 18:57:16 GMT -5
First draft on a prequel idea I'm constructing . . . myadversaria.wordpress.com/earth-2100/Right now anyone can see it, but as I add more content, I'll be password-protecting it. So if you will want to read more once I do, please PM me your email address and I'll send you the password. I really want comments, but only from people who are serious, appreciate the film and are willing to give constructive criticism. (Which is why I'm posting here since I respect everyone on THIS forum.)
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Post by MidgardDragon on Jul 30, 2008 19:05:00 GMT -5
Praise: It kept my attention from beginning to end, I'm really really interested in where you're going with this. The grammar is good, there are a few things I'd articulate differently, but that's because we all have our unique voice so I won't criticize it for that. All in all a good, but short, read. It's clear the idea is still developing so I look forward to more of what comes. Constructive criticism: I'm curious if you're trying to make this somewhat fit in with the WALL-E universe, or if it's an alternate take on how things would've come about. I'm not sure if we have any indication that the WALL-E's would've waited in line (still a clever idea) or that they all had enough personality to go gazing at insects. Still, maybe they did, and since we don't know for sure, it's as valid a take on it as any, I'm just not sure if it's the take I would've used. Again, though, your voice, your piece. I also thought some things were a bit over-stated. I don't know if you can work around this, as sometimes you can't and that's fine, but I always find it's best to show someone liking to do something, such as yelling at people, rather than telling the audience. I'm not sure how to get around it in this situation of course, but I'm just throwing out ideas. I'm glad you respect us all enough to share with us and I look forward to reading more.
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Post by vanessajoyce on Jul 30, 2008 19:13:20 GMT -5
First point, yes, this will fit absolutely in the WALL-E universe. Absolutely, no doubt about it.
Now, I will be taking a huge leap in the next piece (I've actually finished the story, I just want to get reactions before I post more), but I am currently scouring the research material I've accumulated to see if any of it contradicts my next move.
I like the point about over-stating. This "foreman" character is never going to appear again, so it would be worth my looking at trimming him down a bit and, like you said, show not state.
Thanks! Great comments!!!
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Post by vanessajoyce on Jul 30, 2008 19:15:58 GMT -5
Oh, and you know what -- you caught an important error. I didn't mean that the WALL-E was programmed to stand in a line . . . I meant they were programmed to be observant. GOOD catch. Thanks for that! One of those examples of having read over my own writing too much to see what I actually wrote.
One thing . . . does anyone know of any reason why WALL-E has the big dent on the front of his compartment door? (Opposite side of the WALL-E label.) I tried to "explain" that here and if we know he got it some other way, I need to rewrite.
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Post by vanessajoyce on Jul 31, 2008 19:12:59 GMT -5
OK, just to let everyone know . . . I'm taking down the blog page referenced above because I've finished the third draft of the full story. I have a couple more things I just want to confirm and some changes I want to make based on some suggestions I've gotten . . . . so I'm hoping to have the third draft PDF uploaded by tomorrow evening. Again, it'll be password protected just because I don't want anti-WALL-E people reading it and wasting my time with hateful messages, but if you're here, I know that's not you. So please PM me if you'd like the password. And please comment on it -- ESPECIALLY if you discover contradictions to my plot from your extensive knowledge of the film, BNL reference material, interviews with Stanton or other people who worked on the film, etc. I REALLY want to know about those kinds of things and will "exalt" you if you catch me and can give me proof of my mistake!
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Post by MidgardDragon on Aug 1, 2008 17:57:04 GMT -5
So should we PM you if we want the password?
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Post by vanessajoyce on Aug 1, 2008 18:32:59 GMT -5
Actually, since this is a holiday weekend in our province, I might not be around to answer PMs or emails, so I'm not going to password-protect right now. Here it is! www.box.net/shared/static/e0lhmkikgg.pdf! (Notice the date change . . . 2110, not 2100 (I just watched the corresponding scene in the movie and realized I had the wrong date. ) Thanks for everyone's help in research!
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Post by MidgardDragon on Aug 2, 2008 16:06:17 GMT -5
All I have to say is: I can't wait to read the rest. I love how you explained how WALL-E was left behind. I was curious if you took the serial number from anywhere in the movie or on any of the merchandise, or if you just made it up? Anyway, more more more please!
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Post by Viva la Vida on Aug 2, 2008 17:34:13 GMT -5
I've read the PDF and, I must say, it's pretty good. I particularly love the description and narration from WALL-E's POV at the end.
I hope you write more because this has potential.
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Post by vanessajoyce on Aug 2, 2008 18:19:44 GMT -5
Wow . . . glad everyone's liked it. And it really encourages me that you see this as continuing because I have thought of sort of "catching up" with WALL-E at different 100 year stages to just see where he is in "growth". Again, I'm just sort of letting ideas come to me and keeping track of them to see if any start coming together.
Just to clarify . . . this is a complete story. I wouldn't add anything to this one because the scenes and character development are intentionally placed so they all balance out. (For example, in the first scene we see powerless WALL-E/powerful humans and in the final scenes we see a switch to an empowered WALL-E/powerless humans.)
The serial number was created deliberately (by me . . . I looked long and hard and found no actual reference to any kind of issue information associated with WALL-Es in any BNL material) . . .
8627 -- Year, Month, Date of WALL-E film release. PX9 -- Pixar's 9th film AS2 -- Andrew Stanton's 2nd film (Finding Nemo being the first).
So . . . if you know the above, you get the inside joke in the next character's lines . . . "The AS series. That was a good production run." ;D
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Post by Callandor on Aug 7, 2008 1:28:14 GMT -5
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Post by vanessajoyce on Aug 7, 2008 7:34:40 GMT -5
Well, that comment makes me feel really good because that's exactly the direction I'm heading next! I've been making a list of all the things that we know about WALL-E by the time the film begins and diagramming them out to see how I could "explain" how they happened. The two you mention above are the first two on my list.
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Post by Callandor on Aug 7, 2008 11:17:57 GMT -5
Thats awsome!!! I can't wait to read it And maybe (if you wanted) I could use some photoshoping to make a sort of banner for each story of yours (just a suggestion )
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Post by vanessajoyce on Aug 7, 2008 20:30:57 GMT -5
Thanks for the offer! I'll definitely keep it in mind!
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Post by MidgardDragon on Aug 7, 2008 21:08:46 GMT -5
Just wanted to reiterate how much I enjoyed this and that I can't wait to see the next thing you cook up. .
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